Drinking Breastmilk and Driving a Dangerous Combination

Poll: What is more dangerous to yourself and others.

1. Driving while talking on a cell phone.
2. Driving while eating
3. Driving while not buckled up
4. Driving while not buckled up AND breastfeeding!

I think I'd pick #4. A 47 year old woman in Germany disagrees though. She was objecting to being pulled over by an officer for doing exactly that because she thought it was ok to do since she was so close to home and would have made it safely.

I'm sorry, but I can just imagine the little one suddenly squirming, and she swerves into another late and boom. Rocket baby with milk thrusters happens. Crazy.

Now, there are 4 issues for me in this story. 1. Woman not buckled up. 2. Babies are supposed to be in the back seat in those damned puzzle like seats that are impossible to undo. Did she pull the baby out while driving? 3. Breastfeeding an unsecured baby in a moving vehicle. 4. 47 years old??? 18 month baby??? Breastfeeding?? Does this woman win an oldest mom award?  Also, a little too old to be at the boob?

They were fined for "failing to provide proper security for herself or her child"

I wonder though why the baby wasn't given a fine for drinking while driving.

Drunk Parrots Falling From the Sky

We've all heard of the drinking bird.  But the drunken bird?

In an Australian town Darwin (how ironic!) every year around this time it is not uncommon to see a drunk or hungover parrot crash down somewhere in the town or simply just passing out and falling out of the trees.

Researchers figure that these red-collared lorikeets are eating something during the tropical wet season, and that its leaving them either sick with a drunk-like illness or just plain wasted.

The hospital takes care of about 30 birds at a time and they arrive daily. 

Some of them spotted with tiny lampshades on their heads and they wake up to regretfully find tattoos of their ex girlfriends name on their wing.  Well, maybe not.

While in the drunk tank they nurse them back to health with some aspirin, and some strong coffee before releasing them back into the wild.  Or maybe just some berries and nuts and water. 

Potato potato, tomato tomato. (That saying really doesn't come out right when written)

Man Arrested for Dirty Diaper Fetish

A Wisconsin man was recently convicted of possession of burglary tools and sentenced to 30 months of probation, 200 hours of community service and undergo a psycho-sexual examination.  (I didn't even know such an exam existed.)

He was detained by a homeownder after entering their home last September.  Upon investigation, the sherrif's deputy found six, SIX dirty diapers in the robbers pockets. 

He claims that he entered the house because he likes to wear diapers and thought there might be some in the house.

So wait, he had to break into someones home, to steal their baby's diaper instead of, oh, I don't know.  Buying some.  Maybe pooping in them himself if he needed them dirty. 
Also, he wants to wear them?  Where on earth is he going to wear them?  His head?  I saw a picture of this guy.  No way is he going to fit into these diapers. 
He couldn't come up with a less creepy story either?  Like, he needed fertilizer for his herb garden at home...?

When asked whether he intended to steal the dirty diapers, he answered yes.

I wonder how that conversation went - "Did you mean to break into a house and shove diapers in your pockets?" 
"No, I just got lost, then when I got confronted I panicked! I thought if I padded my clothing and looked  bigger I'd seem more imposing. You know, like a stinky puffer fish."
Yes, a stinky puffer fish.

What a crappy guy.

Enuf is Enuf! Protesters Descend on Spelling Bee!

To make a point, I did not spell check this article!

Because we all know that there is nothing more imporant than proper spelling and grammer. (As evidenced by any Youtube video thread where 1/2 of the posts are people correcting other peoples spelling)


But in Washington, they don't believe in proper spelling. They want sensical spelling!


"Our alphabet has 425-plus ways of putting words together in illogical ways," says one of the protestors.


Representing the American Literacy Council and the London-based Spelling Society they arrived at the National Spelling Bee at the Grand Hyatt, some dressed
in full-length black and yellow bee costumes.


Simplify simplify simplify! Is their message.


Their logo, "Enuf is enuf. Enough is too much."


According to them words such as "fruit" should be changed to "froot", "slow" to "slo", and "heifer" to "hefer".


So what is the point of this all I wonder. Are they just really poor spellers and want to change the world to match their shortfalls? Do they just have too much time on their hands? Is this the first step in creating Orwells "Newspeak?"


If they complain about this, maybe they should try to learn Chinese. Their heads just might explode!

The Grim Eater Dining on Dead Peoples Dollar

We've heard of wedding crashers, and party crashers, but funeral crashers?
For about 2 months, in Australia, a man attended funeral after funeral pretending to be a mourner and eating the food offered.

The man, who was about 40 years old went to different churches and venues bringing a backpack and Tupperware containers so when no one was looking, he would stock up on his illbegotten food.

One funeral home reported him as showing up even as much as 3 or 4 times a week munching on the mortuary meals.

They didn't mind him too much because atleast he was "always very quiet and polite, and did as the rest of the mourners did in paying his respects."

One funeral home is allowing him to still return, but asked him not to pack his food away in plain sight.

So is this man thrifty? Or crazy?

Some Weird Facts to Pass the Time

Most lipstick contains fish scales!

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

Nose prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use fingerprints!

Porcupines float in water!

Saturday mail delivery in Canada was eliminated by Canada Post on February 1, 1969!

In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes!

Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!

When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour. To photograph the event, a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!

A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel!

A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile!

Pizza of the Dead!

When in Naples, Italy be a little suspicious of the authentic wood stove baked pizzas. Their special family recipe may actually have a bit of someones decomposed family cooked with it!

There's several investigations in place for several thousand small, lower-end pizza shops and bakeries on the suspicion that the owners may be using wood from dug up caskets (that's right! Previously occupied!) to keep their ovens burning.

Some enterprising young gangsters seem to have set up a market on selling these coffins to some unscrupulous owners who want to save money on wood.

Let's just hope that's all they're trying to cut costs on. Not something like lets say....the ground beef.

True Blood wants your blood.

Why didn't anyone do this sooner?!

The publisher of the Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse books, which the True Blood TV series is fashioned after has decided to partner up with the New Zealand Blood Services to promote donations to the younger, juicer masses.

Of course there's the question if this is tasty, I mean, tasteful. Also if it will draw more fleshies to the feast. But it can't hurt to try.

They've re-released the first of the series' books with an on-cover sticker promoting blood donation.

Also they will have a feature a message encouraging blood donation in the re-runs of the show. I'd love to see how they do those. Gore. It's always an awesome way to sell a PSA.

They almost ditched the whole plan because virtually the same week that they were going to head the promotion, there was an attack in Mt. Victoria where a man was left unconscious when 3 people had bit him, 2 drawing blood. But they though, hell, it's a one-off, let's go ahead with it.

They need new blood, literally to fuel this worthwhile service, and I think it's a fun and quirky way to hook in the kids.

Maybe Twilight can do a cross promotion next with collection...oh, I don't know. The tears of lame emo kids, or sparkles for the underprivileged unicorns.

Yeah. They'd be good for that.

Teddy Bear Holidays - No Humans Allowed

I know people are in to "Furries" but this is going a little too far.

In Finland, a company www.teddytourslapland.com is offering holiday packages for your overworked and over cuddled teddy bear or stuffed animal. The holiday for this trip in Northern Finland costs approx 110 - 170 euros (93.7 - 144.4 pounds or 136.31 - 210.06 USD)

The Standard Journey for the toys includes a trip around the Northern town of Rovaniemi and a visit to Santa Claus. They get a gift, and send a postcard to its owner (I'm sure to mock them for wasting their hard earned money on such an especially useless thing) and then sent back home with photos of their adventure.

With the Luxury Journey Paddington will be living it up. It includes the standard journeys package, as well as a trip to a reindeer farm where they feed Santa's reindeer. Then they go on a snowmobile safari where they try a bit of ice fishing on the frozen waterway and some savoury hot chocolate by the campfire.

To prove that they're not just shoving the toys in a box and laughing all the way to the bank they tape the whole trip for you.

They will even provide a bear should you be too attached to yours to send it on the adventure.

Now, don't get too excited, but they are planning summer programs as well. Woo hoo!

But, "People or living pets may not participate on these trips." they warn. So don't try to sneak in wearing a bear suit and try to sneak in.

They even have a facebook page with pictures of some happy clients. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rovaniemi/Teddy-Tours-Lapland-Ltd/125037237509250

This proves that there is one born every minute. Everyone knows that bears hibernate in the winter!

Playboy is Raising the....Bar - Weird News

We can thank the porn industry for many things.

Besides the hours, or for some, the minutes of enjoyment. We can also attribute plenty of social and technological advancements to it such as the deciding push in the wars between VHS vs. Beta, DVD vs. Laserdisc and most recently, HD DVD vs. Blu-ray.

Now Playboy may be leading a new wave in magazine hooks that pretty much died out in the 80's on the back of cereal boxes.

They're making a collectable centerfold that is 3-D for its June issue. Complete with 3-D glasses to get a view of Playboys Playmate of the year Dawn Dworaczyk like no other playmate has been seen before.

HBO, a unit of Time Warner Inc, is helping out with the cost of 3-D glasses bound up with the issue, which hits newsstands on Friday.

Don't poke youself in the eye!

I Eat Vegan Kittens

I was reading this earlier, and while granted, possibly not the most reliable news source. Still makes for good weird news.
http://ieatvegankittens.blogspot.com/2010/05/hey-lets-build-star-on-earth.html

Pubic Lice for Sale - Hate anyone?

Revenge is a dish best served itchy. Itchy as hell.

Want a creative way to get revenge on someone that's pissed you off, scorned you, or are just mildly irritating? One that doesn't involve "permanent damage, or risk of personal injury of jail time?"

What could possibly be such a perfect and satisfying revenge?

Crabs! Yes, that's right. Crabs! The funniest of the STI's.

Bred and delivered right to your door for ease of infestation.
A website in Britain called crabrevenge.com says it sells public lice. It's a bit of a contradictory site because while it says that they "do not endorse giving people lice" and that the lice are for "novelty purposes only" (I would consider pubic lice many things, but novel is one word that doesn't come to mind right away.) but then its header is "Make that Bitch Itch."

They've got 3 packages available of their lovely lice. You can pick between the green package with includes one colony which can have as many as 30 eggs. "Great for one person".

The blue package includes 3 vials, each with about 30 eggs that if you don't have 3 people to use them on right away, you can freeze some for over 160 days. Or maybe to share the fun with your friends you can all go in on getting the blue package.

The Red package is for that special person that really has your panties in a bunch. This has one vial of "shampoo resistant F strain crabs, " which can "take up to two weeks to get rid of and apparently bite so much that they can cause the victim to scratch themselves raw." Sounds like fun for the whole family. Of crabs that is.

They've even got postings from some happy customers such as, "Just what I needed to get back at my ex-wife." Says Ethan from Dublin. That assh*le.

As weird as this is, I think it's quite a unique idea and quite enterprising. I mean, haven't you said something outrageous like, "I just want to punch her in the ovaries!" Or, "I wish he would catch crabs that assh*le" or, "I wish the Delorian would just run them over." and with their special parasite husbandry and breeding, crabrevenge.com allows your one wish to come true! (This blog does not condone punching women in the ovaries or flippant remarks about Back to the Future. Because its awesome and you not allowed to make fun of it!)

Personally, I don't think I'd want it getting around that I gave my ex-boyfriend crabs. Much less a sibling! That would lead to some awkard confessionals...

Pregnancy Test for Burgers - Weird News

Scientist in Kazakhstan have a test now that instantly detects if there is holy pig in their food.

Some chefs cheat try to save money and secretly put pork in dishes. Since eating pork is forbidden by Islam and Kazakhstan is mostly Muslim, they've come up with this little test stick. It works like a pregnancy test by changing colour when it detects food molecules that are found only in pork.

They just cut off a bit of their beef patty, and drop them in a glass of water. Stir, shake, put the test in. In a few minutes, the stick changes colour and tells you if there's pork present or not.

If we weren't supposed to eat pork though, then why does bacon taste so darned good!

Kids Drink Melted Dry Ice For Fun - Weird News

3 middle school kids from Boston were rushed to the hospital because they didn't learn the lesson being taught during their Science class.
These kids each dared eachother to drink melted dry ice after just doing an experiement where they expanded a balloon on a beaker by putting dry ice in water in said beaker. Smart.

What do you think happened? Well, they all started pooping snowcones and are now the hit of the school!

Actually, The 3 boys stomachs started to react and inflate. They had to be rushed to the hospital to prevent internal rupturing. Now, who knows where the teachers were when this dangerous chemical was sitting out for 12 year old boys to get a hold of. But really I don't think all the blame can be put on the teacher when a kid that age sticks something bad in his mouth at school. Unless, you know, its that kind of teacher.

One of the kids said "...I dared my friend to do it--it didn't turn out so good." Really? Is he surprised? You'd think eating anything that comes out of a science lab wouldn't "turn out so good." Maybe they thought itd give them special powers, and they could be, "Wart Removal Man, and his sidekicks Fog Boy and CO2 kid!" Or they'd be able to rent themselves out to nightclubs as human fog machines.

Lesson learned though, they said they wouldn't drink anything again that they didn't know about, and to not take jokes too far.

Two out of three have been released from the hospital now, and the third is still under observation.

Let's hope he doesn't get dared to drink what's in the bedpan next.

Lord Jesus Christ shall rise again...after being hit by a car - Weird News

Yea though I walk through the roads of Northhampton, I shall fear no Buicks, for thy crossing guard art with me. Thy stop sign and reflective vest comfort me.

A man named Lord Jesus Christ was hit by a car today at a crosswalk in downtown Northampton Massachusetts by a 20 year old driver.

The police have confirmed that his real name is, Lord Jesus Christ.

He was taken to the hospital for minor facial injuries.

Maybe he should just stick to walking on water.

New claims that Chronic Constipation Killed Elvis - Weird News

Nothing like beating a dead "hounddog" with a stick.

The new theory is that Elvis died of too much poop. Not a heart condition like we were all lead to believe. At least that's what his longtime doctor friend Dr. George Nichopolous says.

They found during Elvis' autopsy that his colon was 5-6 inches in diameter. Nearly twice the size of the average persons. It was also 8-9 feet long, while the norm is 4 to 5.

Elvis had a hereditary condition that made it difficult for him to do his thing. Bowel Paralysis is the lovely name given to this particular ailment. Which caused him to be plugged up with at least four of five months of stuff at the time of his death due to poor motility of his bowel.

His friend continued to explain on national news (Fox News) that "He would have accidents on stage" and he'd have to change clothes because of the treatments he was having.

Elvis the great at the time, refused proper treatment, which would have been a colostomy (removing part of the colon).

"He thought he was really a man's man and he wasn't going to let something like this... he thought this was a sign of weakness and he wasn't going to be weak." Nichopolous said. But, if they had treated it he could possibly still be alive today.

So that just goes to show you, even a mans man cant take too much shit.

Personally, I think this was because of too many alien probes.

Woman passes drivers test on 960th attempts - Weird News

There is a 69 year old woman Cha sa in Seoul, South Korea that has been taking the written portion of her drivers test nearly every day since 2005 who finally, FINALLY passed the test today. I've been following her trials for the last few years and each time I read an article on her, I can't help think....would they even want her to drive at this point? This is only the written exam. She hasn't even gotten behind the wheel yet! A second thought that occurs to me is that I hope she doesn't come to my town, we've got enough bad drivers!

Back around her 771st attempt she had already spent about $3000 on fees. She finally got the 60% she needed to pass the test.
So I guess 960 is her lucky number. Unlucky for everyone else on the road.

She only had to take the driven portion 10 times before she finally got her official full license. Lower standards perhaps? Maybe the instructor was into our aged Mrs. Sa? 50% automatically for not killing anyone during the test? Or it could just be pity.

With her license she plans to buy a small secondhand car to visit her son and daughter, and for her vegetable selling business.

I hope her car has airbags....on the outside.

Religion Is For The Dogs - Weird News

Maybe not all dogs go to heaven. But a church in Danvers Massacusetts wants to give them better odds by holding services for the pooches starting later this month.

"Perfect Paws Pet Ministry" at Calvary Episcopal Church will have a service for these dirty dogs at least once a month. The kicker is, along side with the humans, the dogs get special treats for communion. So if the humans are eating the body of Christ, what does that mean we'll be giving the dogs?

Barking is allowed, so people don't have to worry anymore about singing the hymns off key anymore.